Most mornings, I find myself scrolling through my Facebook memories. It’s a way for me to reflect on my growth, revisit lessons I thought I had learned, and see how far I've come over the years. This practice, spanning over a decade, offers a unique perspective on my journey. Today, a post from six years ago caught my eye. It read: "Remember this: you are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences." These words resonate deeply with me, encapsulating a core belief that has shaped my approach to parenting and personal growth.
This belief is also a significant reason why my son has achieved so much and come as far as he has. In today's evolving world, I see many parents who, out of compassion for their children's struggles, shy away from imposing consequences. Whether their children are battling depression, anxiety, or more severe disorders such as bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), or ADHD, the instinct is often to shield them from additional pain by removing consequences from their actions. However, this approach, while well-intentioned, can have far-reaching implications.
My son, diagnosed at a young age with severe behavioral and impulse control issues, including ADHD, bipolar disorder, OCD, ODD, and possibly Asperger's, presented a unique challenge. Despite the diagnoses, the root issue was always his behavior. Whether it was darting across the road in a fit of anger or destroying his bedroom in a tantrum, his actions required consequences. The critical lesson I imparted was about choices. Every action, whether good or bad, leads to a corresponding consequence.
We frequently discussed his choices and the potential outcomes. It wasn’t about punishing him but about helping him understand that his actions had repercussions. Over time, these conversations bore fruit. Although his impulsivity remains a challenge, he has grown to understand that he is accountable for his actions.
In contrast, I now observe many parents who, due to limited time or shared custody arrangements, find it challenging to impose consequences. As a stepmother with limited time with my stepchildren, I empathize with the struggle. Between work, homework, dinner, and activities, the time we spend with our kids is precious and often short. The temptation to avoid conflict and spend our limited time in harmony is strong. However, turning a blind eye can prevent children from learning critical life lessons about accountability and the impact of their actions.
When children grow up without understanding the consequences of their actions, they risk becoming adults who lack accountability, potentially causing harm to themselves and others. Reflecting on this, I urge all parents and caregivers to consider the long-term impact of their choices. It's a tough balance, but it's essential for the growth and well-being of our children.
I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences on this topic. How do you balance the freedom to choose with the need for consequences in your parenting or personal life? Please subscribe to my blog, share this post with others who might benefit from it, and leave your comments below. Together, we can foster a community of understanding and support, helping each other navigate the complexities of life and parenting.
Thank you for reading and being a part of this journey. Your insights and stories are invaluable.
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If my life’s purpose is to light the way for others, then let my past sufferings serve as beacons of hope and learning.